clothesbootsmotorcycle

Who needs the theater?

2006-07-23T19:25:00.000-04:00

There was a time, however distant and quaint it was, that the movie theater was a necessary part of the movie-watching equation. The majority of people either didn't have the means or the technology of watching a movie in their home. That has changed.

With the rising affordability of flat screen televisions (in high definition, no less), projectors, surround sound and other home-theater equipment, the common person has never had such a chance of home entertainment.

Face it. The quality of movie theaters is unacceptable. It starts at the box offices. For the price of admission for a couple of two adults, they could just buy the DVD. By their own design, DVDs have a higher quality picture (they're not shown on reels, for starters) and they can be watched as many times as the viewer can handle. They can be paused at any moment and they can be watched in the comfort and privacy of the viewer's own home.

The problem progresses at the concession stand. Why would anyone in their right mind pay four dollars for a soda? It's possible to buy or make anything at the concession stand for far cheaper than what they are asking.

In the theater, there's the problem of cleanliness. Sticky seats? Tough luck. People talking? Too bad. Hard to see? Cell phones ringing? Forget about it.

Theaters were once a necessary means of watching movies. Today, it's just not worth it.

I was prompted to write this post after seeing the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie. It's hard to believe that the theater could be so shitty. It was small and crowded. Why don't they just release movies to DVD? Reviewers and movie critics could still write about which movies are good. The whole institution is just unnecessary.

How vivid a scene it was!

2006-07-21T19:01:00.000-04:00

"Walking through the garment center, Cully felt disgust at the dirtiness of the city and the pinched, haggard faces walking its streets. Hand trucks, loaded with brightly colored cotton dresses gallowed from metal racks, were being pushed by black men or old-timers with the seamed red faces of alcoholics. They pushed the hand trucks through the streets like cowboys, stopping traffic, almost knocking down pedestrians. Like sand and tumbleweed of a desert, the garbage of discarded newspapers, remnants of food, empty pop bottles caught in the truck wheels, washed over their shoes and trouser cuffs. The sidewalks were so clogged with people you could hardly breathe, even in the open air. The buildings looked cancerous, grey tumors rising to the sky."

Fuck. That's good. I like it, at least. Will I ever be able to write like that? It's a selection from Fools Die by Mario Puzo, the author of The Godfather. I read that paragraph last night and just thought about how vivid of a scene it was.

My writing is going downhill. I haven't been in a real class since December and I sure as hell haven't been writing since then. My story is stillborn at 5200 words. I have ideas--I just lack motivation. Maybe I'll write this weekend. Maybe I won't.

Either way, I'm glad it's Friday.

HOW ABOUT THIS MONKEY BUSINESS IN THE MIDDLE EAST?

2006-07-19T22:25:00.000-04:00

Newt Gingrich, the former US House Speaker, has said that we have entered World War III. In case you haven't heard of the other couple, check out this, this, and, uh, oh yeah, this.

If you can imagine, the world right now is teetering on the brink (of cliches, Tom?) of war. With the United States clowning around in Iraq and Afghanistan, North Korea shootin' off missiles, Iran up to no good, Syria possibly allying with Iran, and Israel playin' Clint Eastwood, it seems we have ourselves a problem.

If the whole world comes to war again, I do not want to be a part of it. Maybe I can move to a little island where I can live by the shore and not hear a word about it until it's over. I don't want to fight and I don't want to send my children to fight. Is that so bad?

It's too late to say this isn't about oil. Afghanistan wasn't, Iraq might not have been, but if there are serious conflicts (which, it seems, is the case), the United States would be forced to move in and control the area. Without oil, America would be crippled. According to this little gem, America uses one out of every four barrels of oil produced. Fossil fuels production has peaked, and the world will be watching as the US fights for the last few black drops.

For as technologically advanced as we are, we should be a lot more advanced in the ways of alternative energies. Europe is far better suited for an oil crisis. America, partly because of its size and partly because of its infrastructure--that is, its dependency on long distance transportation of goods (which is necessary for our economy)--is le fucked.. That being said, America will have to defend its economy to remain a world power.

That being said, this world is going to hell in a hand basket.

This post may come as a shock to you. I think it's the first serious one there's ever been. No kidding.

Oral Health: It's No Laughing Matter

2006-06-23T00:25:00.000-04:00

Speeding to the eastern end of the country on one of England’s fastest trains, I realized that within five minutes of meeting a friend of a friend I’m telling her about my dental history. Am I boring? Have I become that person, the very self-deprecating, pity-partying, attention hound whom I loathe?

Halfway across the world and a week and a half later, I was vulnerable: I was in a reluctant sprawl in my dentist’s office with a dentist to my right and an oral hygienist to my left. I was being prodded, poked, and probed by hooked metallic objects that would probably be more suitable in husbandry than in dentistry. The dentist made noises of intrigue during the process, lots of “hmms” and “mmhmms.” Allow me to explain why this is noteworthy.

Due to my excessively strange sense of humor, I have decided that having a minor inflammation of the gums was simultaneously one of the more hilarious and equally terrifying diseases in the field of medicine. No, it’s not gangrene, but it’s no scraped knee either.

I don’t have bad hygiene habits, either. Please, for the love of God, don’t think that. I can brush, floss, and rinse with the rest of them. I think I have bad genes. My uncle, coincidentally (and irrelevantly) a Californian, has had the infliction as well.

It seems to be like a right of passage to us Hanlons. We’re a good people, if you can look past our dental shortcomings.

On the bright side, though, I don’t have gingivitis. I have minor irritation and that’s it. I’ll keep fighting the good fight, don’t you worry about me.

Chicago, Cell Phone, and Lunch Briefing

2006-06-20T16:01:00.000-04:00

Hi friends.
It's been a while since I've posted and there have been many changes in my life. I will present these changes now in a list format:

1. I'm now living in Chicago. This will be different in one week, when I move to Florida for the month of July to work.

2. My camera broke. I can't take pictures until my cell phone comes in later this week.

3. Today we went to this restaurant for lunch called 41 North. It was very mediocre. Things tasted microwaved. And the portions were too big. And our waitress was needlessly informative ("I'll be over in a sec, I just have to change someone's order.")

That's about it. I've been laying low pretty much otherwise. I rented Arrested Development from Blockbuster. Hilarious. Absolutely hilarious.

hurray! but nay.

2006-06-09T05:24:00.000-04:00

I just finished my second essay.

I am hugely excited.

In more tragic news, my camera broke. It'll be a while before I get some new pictures up.

Darn.

1 essay down! 1 to go! hurray!

2006-06-07T10:34:00.000-04:00

Victory.

I've finished one http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifessay. I have one more to do and then I am done until August. I'm very excited.

It's been a couple days since I've posted last. I had some problems with blogger (the godforsaken website which uploads to here) so I couldn't get on. Anyways, there have been several recent developments in my life.

In the criminal affairs department, all of the residents of flats G2 and F2 of Loring Hall have been asked to meet for interviews over the theft of recent artwork. Who knows about that?

This weekend we're going to Brighton, a lovely beach community on the coast of England. I might be going to the white cliffs of Dover on Friday if I get my Kosovo essay done in time.

I'm excited to go home. I come home June 17th. I've had a great semester here. I've loved it.

I'll get a picture up tonight. I love all of you.

the counter-ball and the counter-counter-ball

2006-06-04T09:11:00.000-04:00

Last night was the much hyped Summer Ball, an end of the year summer party with a hefty £30 ticket price. Thanks, but no thanks. That's almost $60. Because of this, many of the Americans who weren't going came to my counter-ball, where we basically sat in my kitchen and shot le shit, chewed the fat, and etc. After about an hour, a lot of people left to go into central London. On seeing Jonny, I got an idea.

Because the first part of the party was outside, they were using wristbands to see who had a ticket and who didn't. The wristbands were red, and I we got a red-colored (coloured?!) flyer in the hall looking for summer cleaners. I made my forgery and went to the ball.

Everyone was dressed up which was kind of a problem. I didn't have anything formal, so I borrowed a blazer from Jonny and I snuck in. I was wearing jeans. Flip-flops. Paying customers were in suits and ties. Chumps.

After 11:00, they moved the party inside. We had to stand single-file as bouncers checked our wristbands walking in the door. I flashed mine quickly and he let me in. It was perfect. We came back and stayed up until about 4, chewing the fat once again. It was a good night.

the fixins of an all-nighter

2006-06-03T10:55:00.000-04:00

Five books about Kosovo, a bowl of pasta and a tall boy. For no real reason at all, I’m pulling an all-nighter to finish my Kosovo essay. Besides boring me to tears, the stack of books pictured above is two days overdue from the library. I’m sure it’ll be some monumental fine. With this exchange rate, It always is. I submit to the outrageous conditions on their library card and they hand me these ludicrous fines. Unacceptable. In any event, I will write about Kosovo.

It’s about 1:46 AM GMT here, which puts us at just 28 minutes since the fire alarm went off. Proper protocol mandates that we all assemble like sheep in front of our building while we (theoretically) watch it burn down.

My neighbor Simon came over and said, “I can’t be bothered to go outside. I just fell asleep!” I told him we should go, that it would be adventurous. And adventurous it was.

There was the usual accusations of who triggered the alarm. In all actuality, it’s not that hard to do. Steam from the shower can set the room detectors off. I’ve set it off by air-freshening the begeezus out of my room, because of the aforementioned Simon’s stench after a casual game of frisbee. Sure, it may have been dramatic, but nothing else can make my room smell so garden fresh.

This early in the morning, you see people as they really are. That girl from my English class actually has a face that isn’t marinated in skin-toned foundation. People were in robes, pajamas. Lex from upstairs came down in his boxers. If we had some booze, it could have been a themed party. It was nice seeing everyone from our building. It’s nice to see just how faux emergencies can bring people together.

a new summer = a new design

2006-06-03T10:26:00.000-04:00

Hello, reader. I know it’s been far too long. You may be asking yourself, “Why has Tom decided to write to me again?” You may be asking, “Why has Tom put up a picture of his kitchen?” You may also be asking yourself, “Tom’s not in that picture.” For your information, that is not a question.

Because of my benevolence, I will answer these questions and non-questions alike. First and foremost, I restarted this blog because I like to write. It’s therapeutic for me to recount hilarious experiences of the day. On to the second question, I’ll be adding a new picture with every post. I chose this picture because it seems like a very summery picture to me and it’s kind of a regular event. We’re always hanging out in my kitchen. If you want names, I’ll give you names. Starting with the girl with the camera sitting in the windowsill and going clockwise sit: Holly, Abi, Alex from Flat 3, Jonny (one of my best friends this term), Alex from Meghan’s flat and also from Cambridge, which makes him posh as fuck, my American friend Meghan, an Italian friend Elizabeth, and Simon in the back with the goatee. I’m behind the camera’s unforgiving lense acting as documentarian, photographer, and dually witty and completely unbiased commentator.

In other news, I was talking with newly 21 year old Meghan about fashion the other day. She called her coat a “layering piece” and made an analogy comparing fashion to an onion, with her “layering piece” being the outermost skin on an onion. Other suitably stylish layers act as intermediaries between outer skin and pale Meghan skin. I told her that it’s funny that she decided to use an onion for her analogy. If I had her style, I’d pick a vegetable that was far more tasteless.

Zing.

P.S. A big thanks to Dan for revamping this site. He made everything. He is saintly.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

2006-02-18T09:44:00.000-05:00

WELL, WELL, WELL.

It seems that we have a lot to talk about.

I know I said I'd post everyday, but I went to Ireland. I was working on a humongous post about it yesterday, but it's hard to recap. It's hard to tell it in a way that doesn't read like a grocery list. I don't think I'll write about it. I included pictures, though. I realize I must write everyday or else this, this exercise, this blogging and writing and telling of my story is for naught. It is an exercise which I enjoy, both entertaining and therapeutical.

Last night I saw Jonny for the first time in forever. We watched Sin City with his friend (Jill? Eileen? Liz? Fuck fuck fuck I should re-mem-ber) and drank in excess. I've got to stop doing that.

I'm here in the library and sitting across from a girl who's rolling her own cigarette, right here in the library. Is she serious? Am I on some hilarious hidden camera show and the live studio audience is just howling at me pretending that her behavior is normal? Is this normalcy? I guess it's too hard to roll it outside with the wind blowing and all but it seems outrageous enough. The tobacco looks disgusting, like old yellowed, green, and brown colored (coloured, for you crazy Brits) finger nails.

In other news, I've been seriously into LOST, seasons un and deux. Last night, I finished reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. It was rather good. It's a story about a family that deals with the tragedy of losing both parents and how they cope. It's amazingly told, and its author, Dave Eggers, is hilarious. It was a good read.

That's about it for now. I'll post tomorrow (THE PLAN IS TO POST EVERYDAY -- MUST STICK WITH THE PLAN!!!!).

Pictures from Dublin

2006-02-17T11:21:00.000-05:00

NEITHER MY STYLE NOR MY PEROGATIVE

2006-02-09T15:46:00.000-05:00

The light of the sun has crept onto the shores of this godforsaken isle. It has been a long time since I've felt its reassuring warmth.

I know I didn't post yesterday. This may upset some of you, but I posted twice the day before. I think that counts for something.

It turns out I'm going to Dublin for reading week. Basically, we have a week off from February 13 to February 18, and that doesn't count as a spring break. Spring break would be the month from March 25 to April 24. Basically, learning is put on hold. I'm in a state of intellectual comatose. Back to Dublin, though, we've booked the flight and transportation to and from the airport but no place to lay our heads. I do not book in advance, I'll thank you very much. It is neither my style nor my perogative to book so well in advance.

In all seriousness, I'm bringing my sleeping bag so that I can find shelter under a park bench.

A HORRIBLE RODENT PROBLEM

2006-02-07T09:16:00.000-05:00

As very, very few (i.e. none) of you may know, my kitchen has been suffering a horrible rodent problem. I don't mean the usual furry mammalian creepy-crawlies that you may be thinking of, but someone has been PURLOINING FOOD. I blame this partially on my ginormous grocery shoppings but also on the fact that my flatmates must be starving. I'll give a short history of the thefts.

TWO WEEKS AGO: The last two (2) of my crumpets (they're like English muffins, leave me alone) were taken from my freezer. They were in an open container in the freezer and someone had the VILE INDECENCY to swipe my breakfast.

LESS THAN ONE DAY AGO: My one (1) package of five (5!) frozen cheese tortellini was missing. I frantically searched the entire freezer for my Italian cuisine. It turns out some clown moved it from one freezer to the other. I cannot let this stand. I know my pasta didn't suffer the same outrageous fate as the crumpets did, but it is no matter.

MY PLAN FOR RETALIATION includes the deliberate seasoning of something I will freeze or refrigerate. Marinate chicken in chili oil? Fill crumpets with salt? The possibilities are endless. The intentional sabotage of my food will help identify the thief of the pantry. It will be easy to see who ingested the arsenic by them gagging helpless on the cold linoleum.

I'm sorry if I upset you, dear reader. I'm not usually so malicious or gruesome. But, if you live by the stolen crumpet you die by the stolen crumpet. I know, I run a tight ship. It's who I am.

I BREATHE LIFE

2006-02-06T07:38:00.000-05:00

How can I breathe life into this helpless corpse of a blog? This blog is lying at the mercy of apathetic passersby, choking and near dead in the streets of ranting, raving, and self-publication. I have not posted in ages. I realize, dear reader, that blogging is a pleasure I have come to hate. There is a definite balance between posting and not posting, a seperation of sanity from schedule. I may not post every day, but when I do post they will be as stunning as they were last summer.

I'm enjoying London immensely. It's great although everyone has these weird accents. I regret to report that these strange talking foreigners have taken over the entire city.

Spring semester, and the living's easy. There are seven other roommates in my flat. We share a kitchen which has two stoves, two ovens, two freezers, and two refigerators. We all have our own rooms and bathrooms. We often cook together and me and this kid Jonny frequently make the best curry in the entire world. For those unfamiliar, I hear that Dayton has an all-you-can-eat Indian buffet for $.99. That sounds thrilling. As for me and my own, we will make our curry, thank you very much.

I'm going to stop writing now so that I'll be encouraged to tell you more later.

Goodbye, my loves.

PICTURES FROM LONDON

2006-01-31T14:18:00.000-05:00

99999999999999999999

2005-11-12T15:23:00.000-05:00

Voicemail: "Please enter your password."
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Voicemail: "You have four new messages. First new message--urgent message:"
Anna: HELLO TOOM YOU SUCK AT LIFE
Janna (in background): YOU RUINED MY LIFE TOM! YOU RUINED MY LIFE TOM!!!!! YOU RUINED...!!!!
Voicemail: "End of Message. Press 7 to delete, 8 to reply, and 9 to save."
999999999999999999999999999999999999999

I will keep that for as long as I live. In other less hilarious news, Dan's 21st birthday party was a victorious success. We had four kegs and drank them to the last drop. We played beer pong, flip cup, and drink the beer. That last one isn't much of a game as it is a hobby.

I pioneered an auto keg stand. It was awesome. I'm going to go now.

It's 3:28 as of this writing and I am:
Sore!
Dehydrated!
Confused!

Goodbye for now loyal followers, and officially: HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAN!

$19.84 Is Your Change

2005-11-10T19:43:00.000-05:00

After staying up until like 2:30 to study for my English test, I did surprisingly well on it. I don't know what I got, but I know I did well.

I had to buy a blue book for said English test. I didn't have any change so I had to buy a blue book--with a twenty dollar bill. I broke a twenty for 16 cents.

Go college.

"It's Like Pulling Teeth," or Can You Tell We're Related?

2005-11-10T00:47:00.000-05:00

Just another of my fabulous AIM conversations with my sister.

SISTER: OMGGG GI HOPE DOSSOOOO!!!!!SAS<>!<@~!!!!
ME: OMG Y DID U NOT TYPE LIKE THAT FOR ANDREW
SISTER: LAY OFFFFF I FORGOETTET!TTT!<@!><@!!!!@!#!!!!
SISTER: your next blog could be, you know you have cool siblings when.
SISTER: HAHAHDJSHDAHDHAHA LMAO!!<@!><@!!
SISTER: ROTFLOLOL!@@SISTER: AND YOU COUJLD COPYU YOURR COMVNERSATIONS S>AM!@!!!!!!!!!! HOW CRAZZY!N@!!!!!!!
SISTER: ok or you could not talk and make me feel like an idiot
SISTER: either or
SISTER: its like im talking to a wall here
SISTER: "its like pulling teeth" -tom hanlon

You Know You're Late for Class

2005-11-09T12:52:00.000-05:00

"You know you're late to class when you're supposed to leave at a quarter till and you're still watching the final showcase on 'The Price is Right' to see if Maurice picks the vacation to Rio De Janero or the Jet Skis/Barbecue set."

-Drew, my roommate

I USED TO POST EVERYDAY!!!

2005-11-06T17:55:00.000-05:00

It's been a while, I know.

I won't get your hopes up by saying I'll post regularly and I won't say that this post will be any good.

But I'll post anyways.

Earlier this week, Mike (the opinions section editor) asked me to write an article for Flyer News about anything I wanted. Anything. He gave me a couple days and a limit of about 500 words and I found that I had absolutely nothing to write about. I wrote on my blog every day during the summer and found that enjoyable, but somehow writing for a deadline felt like a chore. Over the summer, I wrote for me. For this article, however, I was writing for someone else and I'm not sure that I liked it.

My dad called and asked how my major is and how much I like it.

I told him I wasn't sure, and I'm still not. How's English, does anybody know?

Round Up the Usual Suspects

2005-10-30T00:34:00.000-04:00

At Least They're Rational

2005-10-14T22:50:00.000-04:00

Apparently, because New York has received a few drops of rain, United Airlines has decided to cancel my flight. Instead of flying out today at 5:30 PM, I get to wake up at 5:00 AM tomorrow to fly to New York. Thanks United!

Give Me A Chance, I Love You.

2005-10-14T03:47:00.000-04:00

I have a Latin midterm tomorrow. It's today, actually. As of this writing, it's 2:45 AM, Eastern Standard Time, and I'm realizing that I need more and more practice in Latin.

With the same attention to detail that a serial killer uses, I've systematically and mythodically written out the six nouns I need to know for the exam along with their declensions. On six sheets of paper, I have organized these words into rows and columns. A quick multiplication (5 columns wide x 30 words tall x 6 double sided pages) reveals that I wrote over 1500 words to practice for this midterm.

What is so shocking, dear reader, is that I haven't been keeping up in Latin like I should have all semester long. It'll be interesting to see how I fare.

This afternoon, Bob and I will be flying out of Dayton International Airport (ha) to New York for my Uncle's wedding. My uncle is a cop and his fiancee's father works in "waste management." Oh, irony!

I'll be back Sunday night. I'll be missing the hell out of all of you.

P.S., I know I've been sketchy about updating. Give me a chance, I love you.

A Return, Maybe.

2005-09-11T18:52:00.000-04:00

When you live in our apartment, you obey our rules.

This thought gives us the discipline and the courage to continue life without having any food.

We participate in total grocery shopping. It is not very different from total war; in essence we pride ourselves on the complete decimation and consumption of our groceries before we shop again.

This weekend, with a fridge full of condiments and a couple cans of green beans, we went grocery shopping. We got the necessities, including: corn dogs, tube steaks (read: hot dogs), hamburgers, frozen hash browns, frozen tater tots, and various other sundries to keep us nourished and sane.

$170.00 later, we put our groceries away and watched the OSU game. Somehow mysteriously, there have been football games on in the living room all weekend long. Will I develop an appreciation for sports?

I sure hope not.